This question has been on my mind a lot lately, especially after seeing 23 Things to do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You're 23 going around Facebook. Yet an article titled 5 Good Reasons To Get Married While You're Young that was written a month earlier didn't make it once on my news field once.
There was a couple other girls that I knew that got engaged around the same time that I did. Some of these girls were even younger than I was while some were older. This seemed to spark an outrage on Facebook. I saw a lot of Why is everyone trying to grow up? They need to live their lives while they can. I also saw some I'm going to be responsible and finish college, and get a job before I get married.
Since when does getting married young make you irresponsible? I'm not sure if I will ever understand that opinion. I feel that you are possibly more responsible than others if you choose to get married at a younger age. You are choosing to put someone else's happiness above your own and live your life with and for someone else.
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The world is telling us that our marriages are going to fail. The divorce rate is thrown around as if the fact that 50% of marriages that don't end in divorce mean nothing. People are expecting you to fail, and I'm sure that there are even a few people who are hoping that it fails. One thing that I know for sure is that my marriage is not just another statistic. I will fight for my marriage. I work hard to have the marriage that I have, and I will continue to work for it for the rest of my life.
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My marriage is just that. It is mine. It is different than anyone else's marriage. I don't judge people who get married at 19 or 28 or 50 because it isn't my place. Their marriages don't have anything to do with me. If anything, I am rooting for them. I am hoping that their marriage will be great, and that they will be happy.
I'm not missing out on anything because I got married when I was twenty. My life is not over. It is just beginning. I now get to do everything with my best friend that I would have otherwise had to do on my own. I have some one to explore the world with, experience new things with, and to grow old with. I am not missing out on anything that would mean more to be than being happily married. I am getting my college degree while having someone there to support me every step of the way. I will find a job with the help of my husband. I will do everything with my husband by my side.
The divorce rate is high in America. I know that. We all know that. That shouldn't stop people from getting married, and the divorce rate doesn't change all that much depending on the age that the couple is married. I would be lying if I said that thinking about it doesn't scare me, but I think that people often forget the percentage of marriages that do succeed. If 50% of marriages fail, then that means that 50% of marriages succeed. The marriages that succeed are better to focus on than the marriages that don't.
My mother got married when she was nineteen and so did my husband's mom. Nearly thirty years later, both of their marriages are happy as can be. Their marriages are very different, but they are both still thriving. There isn't one specific recipe for success. Just because their marriages are doing well doesn't mean that mine will be in thirty years. To me, marriage is all about wanting it to be good and work.
My mother got married when she was nineteen and so did my husband's mom. Nearly thirty years later, both of their marriages are happy as can be. Their marriages are very different, but they are both still thriving. There isn't one specific recipe for success. Just because their marriages are doing well doesn't mean that mine will be in thirty years. To me, marriage is all about wanting it to be good and work.
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The average age for getting married in America is 27 for women and 29 for men. Is getting married at these ages the secret to having a happy lasting marriage? No, I don't think that it is. I feel that these marriages are as open to risks as much as any other marriages are. No one can make your marriage fail except for you and your husband. No one can make your marriage succeed except for you and your husband.
Here's to being married, young, and in love!
Love it rachel, I agree, and I would add that getting married at 27-29 years old makes it harder to have a successful marriage. Because by that time you've had right around a decade of being selfish. Maybe you've graduated and have a great job and money to spend on just you. Then you get married and suddenly have to think of someone else. I think it's much harder once you've lived so long in selfishness to become the kind of selfless that it takes to have a successful marriage. However, when you have struggled through the penniless years together and built that reliance and selflessness together, then THAT is a bond that can't be broken. I am so grateful that my wife and I were married young and that we've struggled together through the hard times, which aren't over yet, so that we could use the heat of adversity to further weld the bond between us. Keep on keeping on, you guys will do great and have a long and love filled marriage. Wishing you many, many years of happiness. :)
ReplyDeleteI could not agree more with this! My dad has always been telling me that by the time your 17-19 you're so stuck in your ways that you don't want to change.
DeleteWell said Rachel, I entirely agree with you. I was 19 years old and am going on 26 years of marriage. While there are a few things I look back on, I would like to do differently, getting married isn't one of them. I'm pretty sure everyone would love a do-over on some things in their lives. (That hind sight is 20/20 thing) Love you and your blog!
ReplyDeleteThanks Aunt Beckie! Your marriage is definitely a role model for me.
DeleteBEAUTIFUL RACHEL!
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