Dear Hudson

Dear Hudson,

I find myself sitting in the glider in your room more than I thought I would. I sit here and think about all of the memories that we are going to make with you. I am astounded that a baby boy will be sleeping in this crib that is next to me and filling up our quiet house in such a short time.

Some days I feel so ready for you to come while other days I am more than okay with you staying safe in your little haven. It's such a big scary world out here, and I know that I can protect you for now. I worry about all the ways that I am sure to screw you up, but I am excited for all of the things that I want to teach you. How to say that you're sorry and mean it. How to treat a lady with respect. How to be nice to other people. How to worship God and show your love for Him. How to stand up for your future younger siblings. I am so lucky to be your mother and be the one who gets to teach you all of these things.

I am your mother. Just thinking about those words brings tears to my eyes. Heavenly Father has certainly blessed us with this miracle. I'm so young and so worried about how all of this is going to work out, but then I think about how wonderful it is going to be.

You already have the best father. I am so grateful that we were blessed with you as our joyful accident because I don't think your father would have lasted much longer without a child of his own to love. He is always sure to say hi to you whenever he gets the chance. He gets excited every time he feels you move, and you usually put on a show for him so he has a reason to be excited.

I can't wait for you to make your grand entrance into the world. I really can't believe that it is less than two months away until you will be here filling up all of the clothes in your closet. Everyone is so excited to meet you and love you. You are already so loved by your family, and especially by your father and I.

Love,
Mom

Week 30 Bumpdate

How far along? 30 weeks. 

Total weight gain: +10

Maternity clothes: My grandma found some awesome sales for me which has made my life so much easier. I have found that the flowier maternity tops make me feel huge and that I actually prefer the tighter ones. 

Stretch marks: They came all at once..

Sleep: It has gotten much more difficult to get a good night's sleep. Laying down just kind of hurts so finding a comfortable sleeping position is a challenge. 

Best moment this week: Scoring an awesome deal on diapers. Let's hope that we like Target brand of diapers!

Miss anything? Feeling like a normal person.. And I mean that in the most grateful way.

Movement: Some days he is super active and other days he is mellow. 

Food cravings: Second trimester sugar cravings got the best of me so I have been trying to eat a lot healthier.

Anything making you sick or queasy: Going without food for too long.

Gender: Boy.

Labor signs: None.

Symptoms: Acne has returned. Achy hips. Leg cramps while sleeping. Acid reflux. I miss the second trimester bliss. 

Belly button in or out? In. I don't think that my belly button has really changed much.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy.

Looking forward to: The weekend. Life seems to be going a million miles an hour this past week between schoolwork and everything else. I am ready for some less chaotic days. 

My appointments are now every two weeks which seems crazy that I'm far enough along to have them be more often. I has to take the glucose test at my last appointment. I hate cold drinks, and it gave me a stomach ache. How could that nasty sugar drink not give someone a stomach ache when drank at nine in the morning.? It really wasn't fun at all, but I am so relieved that I don't have gestational diabetes. 

We toured one of the hospitals that we can deliver at this past weekend and will probably tour the other one this coming weekend. It is so crazy to think that we are touring hospitals to decide where Hudson will be born in ten short weeks. 

I find it so weird that strangers notice that I'm pregnant now. I feel like I took forever to look pregnant and when I look down I don't feel like I look that big, but it must be noticeable because multiple people have asked me about it in the past few weeks. I had someone ask me if I planned for our due date to be Christmas day. Like you could even plan that well if you tried.. 

Rambling Thoughts

Yesterday was hard. Like, cry more than once at two different times of the day hard. It was a day that had me thinking, "Why me? Why does this have to happen at this time?" It's hard to work so hard for everything that we have and feel like we are being hit left and right with things that are taking it away.

Monday night we went to bed with the heat on. Tuesday morning we woke up to a house that was 63 degrees. Our furnace was broken and there was nothing we could do to fix it but call someone. We finally got someone to come yesterday and in his words, "I tell people not to buy a house that has this brand and model of furnaces in them because they just don't work like they should. They're a bad model of furnaces." It turns out that they don't make many of the parts anymore and it is likely to keep breaking down. I wanted to hear none of this.

His next words I wanted to hear even less. "There goes your Christmas, am I right?" You better believe there goes our Christmas because we don't have an extra $2,500 laying around for this type of thing. There goes our Christmas, Taylor buying a truck, and buying anything besides groceries..

I'm twenty-one. I'm a twenty-one year old that is about to spend $2,500 on a new furnace while expecting a baby in less than three months. I never thought that I would face these problems at twenty-one, but I am.

This morning I woke up with a better attitude. It was a new day, and my terrible Thursday was over. I have accepted that we have to spend way more money than I want to fix/replace our furnace. Then I got a shovel full of dirt thrown in my face at preschool that went down my shirt and stayed there until preschool was over.

And you know what? Life kept going on. Life is hard. Oh so very hard, but I survived a terrible Thursday and woke up to a new day. And I am simply grateful for the new day. Even if it did include way more dirt than I wanted it to.